April 9, 2010
2,000 Calorie Gum Ball Day
About a month ago, I was anticipating a huge deadline. I’m a “death or deadline” personality type, kind of like a type-A individual on steroids or speed or both. Logically, I know that Earth won’t stop spinning on its axis if a deadline slips a day or two. Most likely, I won’t be fired by every single one of my clients if I mess up occasionally. Still, I can’t bear to miss the target if it is at all in my control. Not only do I drive myself to nail the deadline, I make every attempt to finish with absolutely the best work possible—a drill sergeant yells inside my head throughout. Tough stuff.
Knowing that I would be working 12-14 hour days the coming week, I allowed myself a little treat at the grocery store. Well, actually a large treat. A 53-ounce treat, to be exact. A lot of writer colleagues have mentioned that they are plagued by the same problem as me. Namely, when cranking out a writing deadline, they need to be eating or drinking. Something about engaging the brain at that high of a level for sustained periods can make the body feel a bit dull. Chewing and swallowing helps. But you can’t sit and eat all day! So, feeling quite brilliant, I bought myself a very large tub of bubble gum. Throwing my orthodontic chairside assistant job knowledge aside, I figured to the deuce with my teeth. Chewing would help cut down the stress. It was only one week after all.
The deadline came and went. We made it. My teeth stayed firmly rooted. Then, I started to notice that the jeans were a little snug, my face a little too puffy (traitor face, it is always the first place I show weight gain). Sure, I knew those gum balls had calories. Frankly, I had been too chicken to look. So, I staged a gum ball intervention. Perusing the label, it noted that each tiny little gum ball has ten—yes, count ‘em—ten calories. This is the type of bubble gum that you chew for five minutes and then spit out because it retains no flavor. Combine that with the fact that I was chewing two at a time except for those moments when I wasn’t eating real food or drinking (water and Diet Coke, of course). Hmmm, that’s about ten straight hours of gum chewing.
That’s how I chewed an estimated two thousand, sugar-laced, puffy-face-inducing calories of bubble gum in one day. Yoga, anyone?
